i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
