Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
