As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize