They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
