they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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