Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
