Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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