Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
