btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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