I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
