reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
