My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
