God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
