Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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