So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
