Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
