What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
