she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I could fuck to npr.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
