I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
