how can u be prego again
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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