I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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