Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
