I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
