oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
