yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
