yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
