we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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