How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
