It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
