you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You took a bar mat shot.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
