Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
