Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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