she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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