Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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