I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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