i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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