y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
