Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The adults are the big ones right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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