Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
