Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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