doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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