He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
