I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
