you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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