We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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