I looked at my own cervix.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
