i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
