You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
