Betty ford says i'm here all night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
