4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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