I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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