god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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