How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
