you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
