currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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