Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
