I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize