I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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