I haven't been this sober since birth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
