he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
