I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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