I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
