Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
