Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
