im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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