I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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