I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
