ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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