I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I have fence marks all over my body
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
