She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
