matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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