Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
