nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A bitchslap is in order.
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