he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
