you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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