So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
