just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
