How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
