So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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