eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
