idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
