doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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