I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
