Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
