If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is my gift to your gina
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize