he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
