I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
cat food counts as protein by the way
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
