Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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