I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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